Grounds for Change: A Marine Corps Veteran's Battle Against PTSD, One Cup At A Time

Tell us about who you are and your background in the military:

My name is Jarad Webb and I grew up in a small town in Idaho. I joined the Marine Corps at 17 and flew out to boot camp almost a year later, one week after high school graduation. I loved everything the Marine Corps stood for and wanted to serve with the best. I was a young adrenaline junkie and wanted to push my limits. I served 4 years as a combat engineer from 97-01. I spent a year in Iwakuni Japan and the rest of my service was in North Carolina. I was never in a hot zone or combat while in the Marine Corps and was honorably discharged 3 months before the towers fell. I had already moved back to Idaho and was going to college when I was reactivated a few months later. However, about a week before my scheduled deployment, my orders were canceled due to all those who volunteered to join. By this time, I was already working for a local city as a police officer.

I spent the next 16 years as a police officer, while raising my 3 kids with my wife. The last 13 of those years were in a city with a high violent crime rate and I stayed on night shift for the majority of my career. During the last 6 years of my employment as a police officer, I had 4 shoulder surgeries and my neck fused. All were from on the job injuries and I was taking opiate pain medication the entire time. What started out as physical pain management turned to emotional pain management and addiction. I could not see it at the time, but I was self medicating PTSD with oxy and it worked for years. Until it didn’t. By the end of that time I cared more about my meds than I did about my family, my career, my health, and most importantly more than my morals and values. I became an addict.

The addiction nearly destroyed my family. I lost almost all connection with my teenage kids and my wife and I barely spoke to each other. My life consisted of work and sitting in my chair in front of the TV and numbing out. When I did not have opiates, I drank whiskey in excess and even dabbled in marijuana. All while employed as a police officer and working the night shift in a rough city. By the end, I hated the job, the citizens of my city, the administration I worked for, and most importantly I hated myself. By the grace of God, someone in my department suspected I had a substance abuse problem and I got wind they were going to start looking into my behavior. In nothing more than an attempt to save my job and my marriage, I admitted I had a problem with opiates and alcohol and asked for help before they fired me. I went into a 28 day rehab, still believing I could control my use.

I got out 28 days later and had a prescription for oxy waiting for me at the VA. Back then, the police did not have access to the VA prescription system without a warrant so nobody knew at first. I was oblivious to what this was doing to my children and the sad reality is, I really did not care to see it. They watched their childhood hero go to rehab and I still didn’t see it. I even had my boys urinate in a bottle and I carried it around in my patrol bag, in case I had to do a random UA, which was part of my probation when I came back to the road as a police officer. All I knew was I could no longer do the job without numbing out. All those years experiencing first hand, the horrific things that humans do to each other was just too much for me to handle mentally and I knew I was going to break at some point. I maintained the illusion of being clean for a couple of months until the universe decided it was time to break me.

I was sitting in my chair one night drinking whiskey by the bottle because I was out of opiates. Since I could only get them from one doctor, my monthly supply lasted me less than a week. That night I was fighting off detox with whiskey and was very angry about it. My wife and 15 year old son were having an argument and I wanted no part of it so I went to bed half drunk. About 15 minutes later my wife bursts into our room and tells me I need to get up and go deal with my son. I told her I had to work tomorrow and did not care what was going on…she could deal with it. She was crying hysterically and informed me he had locked himself in his room with my off duty pistol. I had already watched two cops I worked with bury their teenage sons due to suicide by firearm. This was not going to happen to me. TO ME! Not him, ME. This is how self centered I had become. I forced my way into his room and got the pistol away from him. Instead of compassion and empathy, I gave him a full dose of anger and resentment. I sat in front of his door all night and decided I could not deal with this level of emotion without opiates. I came up with a plan to fix that.

That morning I called the local PD, I lived in a different jurisdiction from where I worked, and reported my meds stolen. I knew with no suspects the report would just go to file and I could use the case number to get the oxy refilled early. However, instead of a patrol officer taking the report by phone, a detective showed up at my house. The detective figured out I was lying and notified my department administration. The way they saw it, they had already tried to help me by sending me to rehab. This time they took my badge and gun and had me come in the next week for an internal investigation interview without telling me what it was about. A week later I was arrested in my own department for prescription fraud and booked into the very jail I had been bringing suspects into for over a decade.

I contemplated suicide for some time and ultimately made the decision to attempt to put my life back together. I just did not know how. That was the bottom for me. I lost my career, my house, most of my friends, and nearly lost my family. Luckily, I was given the chance to go through Veteran’s Treatment Court, where I learned that alcohol and drugs were not my problem. I was my problem. The way I thought and interacted with the world was my problem. Over a 2 year period I learned about PTSD and how I was checking every single box on the checklist. Drugs and alcohol were quite simply my solution to that problem. However, like every other quick fix on the planet, they eventually made it worse. I had to relearn how to think. My arrest saved my life. I know that without a doubt today.

While in Vet Court I met another veteran, Brent Rowe, who had spent quite of bit of his life roasting high quality coffee. Once I tasted his coffee, I knew money could be made selling it because it was the best coffee I had ever had. That was the moment we created our coffee company Zero Dark Thirty Coffee.

Tell us about your business

Zero Dark Thirty Coffee is located in the Boise area of Idaho and was created at the end of 2020. The reason we decided to roast and sell coffee was not to generate individual wealth. I was so active in the recovery and veteran/first responder community that I could see the lack of support for those suffering from service connected PTSD.

No therapist or shrink can convince a warrior that his negative thoughts and uncontrollable rage can be overcome. How many therapists and PhD’s have taken life or seen first hand the evil humans do to one another? How many have held a lifeless child in their arms, powerless to do anything to help? They simply do not have the resume necessary to reach us. They just don’t. What is worse, is that most of the warriors with the correct resume do not have the time or money to go through all the schooling needed to get that PhD. So, we had to find another way to help and that costs money.

This is where Zero Dark Thirty Coffee really comes from. Our desire to help other warriors dig out of the same hole we had found ourselves in, forced us to find a way to pay for that help. Originally we wanted the company to be a nonprofit, however, since we were new at starting a company, it was created as a sole proprietorship. A nonprofit has to be a corporation and I could not get the IRS to change it. That is when I decided to create Zero Dark Thirty Coffee Foundation Inc., which is a 501c3 nonprofit. That allows the “for profit” coffee company to deposit the profits from sales directly into the foundation account. That leads me to the second and most important part of what we do at Zero Dark Thirty Coffee, get the funds to those who have the correct resume.

We scout other 501c3 nonprofits that are making a real difference in the veteran/first responder PTSD community. Those who are doing the boots on the ground work to prevent warrior suicide caused by untreated and usually un-diagnosed PTSD. One of our favorite charities doing this work is Homeward for Heroes. They pluck a warrior out of their home state and bring them in for a “trek” across places like the Moab for up to 10 days at a time. While on a trek, warriors are surrounded by other warriors who have fought through PTSD and put their lives back on track. They get to see true happiness in others who have walked the same path and talk to them on a one on one, personal level about their failures and successes. They get to understand they are not alone and that healing is possible. They are taught how to be vulnerable in a way that does not challenge their toughness so they can connect on an intimate level and truly start to purge all the trauma they have been stuffing for so long.

Programs like Homeward for Heroes take money to run and it is very hard to raise funds and help warriors at the same time. That is why we started selling coffee. To provide funds so they can keep focusing on the work that is unquestionably saving lives.

Describe how you got the business started:

From idea to conception the process took just a few months time. Brent had most of the roasting equipment already so it was only a matter of coming up with a name and designing labels and finding the right bags. We did have to purchase a small building to roast in, some equipment and inventory so our total cost to start was around $25k. I cashed out some of my police retirement to help fund our startup.

I had to do my coffee research on the fly because I was not a big coffee drinker and knew absolutely nothing about the roasting process. The only coffee I drank prior to tasting our coffee was the store bought robusta coffee in tin cans at the grocery store. Even that coffee was only drank when I went hunting or camping because I did not care for it much. That changed the first time I drank real arabica coffee beans Brent roasted. After that, I was constantly trying to learn as much about coffee as possible, in between running and trying to grow the company. However, most of what I have learned about coffee has been from Brent, since he has been roasting for a couple decades.

Our first customer came fairly quickly because of the mission. We were featured on the top 3 local news broadcasts and that helped boost our sales. Once people hear that nobody in the company is trying to get rich, only help those that keep us safe and free, the choice to at least try our coffee is not a difficult one. And since our coffee is so good, they tend to reorder in larger quantities. We also attend every local veteran/first responder charity event that we can get into. We give away cups of coffee and sell bags and T-shirts while talking about PTSD in an attempt to remove the stigma associated with the diagnosis.

Tell us why you wanted to become an entrepreneur:

My biggest influence or inspiration comes from every time I hear about a warrior suicide. I know what it feels like to hate myself for the thoughts in my head and decisions I have made. I understand the helplessness that comes from not being able to shut off negative thoughts and images and the feeling of just wanting it all to stop. I have carried the guilt of what it did to my children and my wife and others who love me. However, I also know that there is a way out. It is uncomfortable and difficult at first but it is possible. Every warrior suicide is simply a warrior we were unable to reach in time. That is what drives me.

Coffee is something most people buy anyway so it is easier to get them to switch than it would be to convince them to buy something new. Would you rather contribute to a large corporation that helps a small number of people get super wealthy while the everyday workers in the company just get by, or to a company where nobody is getting rich, every dollar helps heroes, and most of the everyday workers are warriors in the process of getting back on their feet? Seems like a no brainer! That also explains why I did not want a corporate or government job.

Describe how your military background prepared you for entrepreneurship:

To be honest, my military service did not give me any specific skills related to what I do now. What it did do was give me the discipline needed to never give up. Even with a great product and the mission behind it, I still almost lost the business. It takes a lot more time and money to stay in business than I originally thought. There was one point when I had to choose between closing the doors and digging back into my pocket for more inventory. It came down to the simple fact that I will not fail. There is too much at stake. We have already made a difference in the lives of warriors here in the valley. However, I would not have the dedication and sense of duty to others that I have if it were not for my military service. Without that, I know I would not be here.

Tell us about some of the obstacles and challenges you’ve had and how you overcame them:

The biggest obstacle to overcome for me is PTSD. Just because I understand it now does not mean it goes away. I still have triggers which lead to episodes and outbursts. There are days where I want to stay down and kick myself for all the trauma I put my loved ones through. Those same days are full of negative thoughts about how undeserving I am to be here. However, I have resources and tools to deal with those thoughts and feelings today that I did not have a few short years ago. They do not last long now. I can change perspective easier now by accepting that these episodes and triggers are not brought on by choice. I have no control over when they come but I can control how long they last. Today I can choose to push forward and find the positive,where I could not do so before treatment. 

Describe how are you doing today and what the future looks like:

Today, I am happier than I have ever been and things are going great! We are in the early stages of putting together a brick and mortar coffee shop and are constantly working with warriors in our local community who are suffering with PTSD. We are now being asked to come to events instead of searching for them. In fact, I am now starting to turn down events due to prior engagements, so now we are focusing on growing so we can do multiple events on the same day. My relationship with my kids is incredible now. We can and do talk about anything and they all know they can come to me with anything, no problem is too big for us to tackle together! My marriage is better than it has ever been and people think my wife and I are newlyweds, although we have been married for over 24 years. Other than more customers, I could not ask for anything more than what I have today! 

Share some advice with your fellow veteran entrepreneurs:

Find a better reason than making money to do what you love. Whether it is offering a product that enriches people's lives, or a service that makes life easier, when you are helping people, the work does not feel like work at all. Also, networking is far more important than I originally thought. Nobody launches a successful company on their own. Surround yourself with solid people and delegate the things you are not great at doing. Never give up! KEEP PUSHING FORWARD.

Where can we go to learn more:

Website: http://www.zerodarkthirtycoffee.org